Tonight was an Alpha Night. For those of you who don’t know, Alpha is a video series designed to help seekers explore what it means to put faith in Christ. The topic for tonight’s video was divine healing.

About halfway through the talk, I realized God was trying to get ahold of me. To be specific, he was taking me back into an area of struggle.

It’s not what you think.

You’re expecting me to say, “I’m weirded out by this whole topic.” But I’m not. At all.

See, for about a decade God led me on a major discovery path into the whole healing thing. And I saw miracles, lots of miracles. A chronic kidney infection problem, gone. A broken bone healed. Rashes fading. A jagged Kidney stone the size of a grape-seed passing through my four year old son’s yoohoo without any blood showing up in his urine. And on and on. At one point God was answering my prayers 50% of the time – in other words, one in every two people experienced some kind of improvement when I prayed.

Pretty cool, huh?

Yeah, it was. Jesus is amazing. But you’d be surprised what the other 50% of the time can do to your faith when you’re getting your hopes up like that. I’m not sure what happened to me, but over the next few years I got discouraged with the other 50. know, I know… I should have been ecstatic with what God was doing but it’s hard to shoulder the disappointment you feel for the ones that leave unchanged. For me, discouragement eventually translated into struggling faith in healing. Now I’m gun-shy when it comes to praying for healing at all. Weird, huh?

And tonight, I felt God calling me back into the fire. Lord help me!

But I said yes to him. I’m asking for power. For more faith (apparently a mustard seed’s worth will do, which says a lot about my faith right now).

Help me, Jesus!