I broke my own rule.
This morning I cracked open my prayer journal and noticed how long ago the last entry was penned. This got me ruminating about the fact that I don’t prayer journal nearly as often as I used to. Early in my Christian life I fell into a legalistic muck with journaling, but I’m free from that now, and this isn’t about legalism anymore. I no longer journal because I have to, I do it because (and when) it’s helpful. Because I like it.
In theory, at least. My sporadic entries told a different story, and to be honest, were a mystery to me. The last two or three years have been the worst and are still going downhill. What’s going on? This morning, God showed me.
It’s this blog.
I’ve been using it to break my cardinal rule, which is that everything I preach and write and share must go through my own heart first. Simply put, I haven’t been journaling on paper because I’m doing it here instead.
What’s the problem with that? Well, it means a good chunk of my walk with God has become more public than personal. It means I’ve been doing my devotions in front of you, instead of in front of Him. What’ supposed to happen is, I walk with God, then I tell you about it if he lets me.
Which is why I journaled this before blogging it. Prayed about it before penning it.
Sorry, Jesus. But thanks for turning the light on. I repent. I receive your forgiveness.
I love you.