I totally blew it.
Well, that’s not totally true. I was doing well, up to a point, and then I blew it.
Driving home from work the other day, I was praying for Shauna and reflecting on what had been a particularly tough day for her. I decided to stop in at Sobey’s and buy her a bouquet of flowers as a way of showing her I loved her.
Inside the store, I scanned the bouquets until a fistful of Gerbera Daisies winked at me. Perfect. She loves Gerberas. I had them wrapped, paid, and was bounding back to my car, when I saw her.
No, not Shauna. Another woman. Walking toward me, into the store, as I walked out of it.
There was something wrong with her. Her whole angular body was rigid, as if she were full of anger or pain. The moment I saw her, a flash of insight came to me: I was supposed to give her the flowers and tell her that God loves her.
I argued with God. These flowers were for Shauna. I’d picked them just for her. They were perfect.
Still the idea persisted.
So did my argument. The woman and I passed each other. I got in my car.
“You can still go back. She’s still in there,” God whispered.
And I argued. And drove off.
“You can still turn around.”
And then, the voice stopped.
And guilt took it’s place. Along with shame.
I’ve always said that God and I have a deal: The answer is YES. No matter what, and ahead of time, the answer is YES.
So why did I say no?
I said it was about Shauna, and I suppose it was, but to be honest? It’s been awhile since God has asked me to do something like that and I was afraid. Afraid of what? I’m not even sure. What I do know is that woman needed flowers and a “God loves you,” and it didn’t come from me.
I hope someone more obedient answered the call and she got them anyways.
Lesson learned, though. I’m back on the YES track. ‘Cause the answer is YES.
It always must be yes.