Maybe it was the fact that we’d just returned from a whirlwind vacation in another Province. Maybe it was the two day drive along the undulating ribbon of highway that led us back home. Maybe it was finding that the renos we’d hoped would be done while we were gone, weren’t. Maybe it was the fact that both our freezers had been left without power for three weeks and new life forms had begun to seep from the primordial soup of rotting blood and orange juice. Maybe it was the fact that despite being together—sort of—for a few weeks, Shauna and I had only connected in groups of loved ones and I missed her terribly. Or that there was something off between us. Or that I’m beginning to feel the weight of my return to the pastorate August 1st. Or any number of other things.
Whatever it was, the other day I felt a heavy wave of sadness deluge my soul. It dragged at me, sucking me dry, like something inside me was dying.
And then came the offers. Temptations to rage at people, to stress out, treat myself to pleasure, to let my eyes linger on a disproportionate number of attractive women that seemed to be planted everywhere I went. In a twenty minute stretch, I felt my soul buckling under the strain, weakening to the incessant siren songs luring my ship to death on the rocks around me.
I’m not sure how it happened, but I suddenly realized I was fighting an invisible enemy. I felt my spiritual muscles jolt, awakening me to my true and godly desires. I clenched my fists, growled as a sacred anger swirled up to collect my wits so I could place them afresh at the feet of Jesus. Sensing his power, I ripped myself free of the oily tentacles of my enemy. My thoughts turned almost immediately to Shauna. I prayed.
“Show me how to love her today, Lord Jesus.”
Ideas formed. Ignited my heart. I launched myself into the plan unfolding before me. The evening was wonderful, godly, beautiful.
Thank you, Jesus, for rescuing me… again.