Yesterday we began an epic smack down. Our mission? To determine once and for all whether Han Solo or Malcolm Reynolds is the Supreme Space Cowboy Poobah Guy. We examined five vital areas of measurement: Ships, crew, weapons, super-friends, and duds (clothes). So far the score is:
Han 3, Mal 2.
Today we’ll end this, starting with comparing wit.
6. Wit.
Han’s wisecracks are legendary. Case in point, his zippy quip to Leah, ” Look, Your Worshipfulness, let’s get one thing straight. I take orders from just one person: me.” But Mal is no slouch, either. Remember his line to the folks on the floor during the holdup in the movie Serenity? “You all wanna be looking very intently at your own belly buttons. I see a head start to rise, violence is going to ensue. Probably guessed we mean to be thieving here but what we’re after is not yours. So, let’s have no undue fussing.” Brilliant. Han is snarky, but Mal is also articulate. He wins this round.
Han 3, Mal 3.
7. Endurance.
Both dudes endured horrific torture, but Han got fossilized in carbonite resulting in temporary blindness, which gives him the edge here. True, Mal got his ear cut off, which makes for a pretty bad day—but they did sew it back on. Edge: Han.
Han 4, Mal 3.
8. Combat skill.
I’ll quote one of my commenters from yesterday, my good friend Tom, who said it better than I ever could:
“While I agree that Han’s blaster is probably superior to Mal’s, I still think Mal would come out on top in a gun-duel. We know for SURE that Mal shoots first; George Lucas has made us not so sure when it comes to Han. (Kidding actually. Even my wife knows Han shot first.)”
Mal seems to hit his targets more often, in my opinion. ASIDE: Why do stormtroopers wear armour if one shot from a blaster kills them anyway? Mal wins this round.
Han 4, Mal 4.
9. Reputation.
Okay. Both cowboys are clearly outlaws with a reputation to match. Mal is continually on the run from Alliance tech and goons, not to mention masochistic Niska and his cronies. Han’s issues with the Hutt clan were deeply personal, plus the gauntlet of bounty hunters enlisted by the Empire to help them seal his fate are pretty intimidating. Clearly Han emerges here as more notorious.
Han 5, Mal 4.
10. Character.
Hmmm, both Mal and Han are scoundrels with scruples. Both are smugglers, and both are pretty slick with the ladies. I read Han as a shady character gradually coming clean, whereas Mal is a truly good guy (jaded by his past) masquerading as a smuggler. Sure, I cheer when Han changes his mind and does the right thing, swooping in to save Luke’s heinie in A New Hope—but several times during the Firefly series, Mal made me want to be a better man. Remember when he and wash were being tortured by Niska and Mal refused to crack to keep Wash from giving up hope? How Mal defended Kaylee’s honour over and over again? How he stood up for his crew, risked his life for innocents, or returned stolen meds when it meant certain death? He needs a little help in the morality department, but his heart is gold.
Mal, it seems to me, walks the finer, more enigmatic line between idiot and hero. One of my readers said Han is more of a caricature of a space cowboy, while Mal is the real deal, nuanced and complex. Not sure I’d go that far, but this round definitely goes to Mal.
Which leaves us with Han 5, Mal 5.
Are you kidding me? You’ve endured a gruelling, two-day smack down only to be treated to a non outcome?
I would never do that to you.
Polling the comments both here, on Facebook, and Pinterest, you readers voted like so:
Han 8, Mal 22. Seriously.
Leave your comments, and set the record straight!
Remember to Facebook like, share, Pin, or tweet this post. Or all the above.
Tune in on Friday for a geekish visual trivia contest.
I think the ‘crew’ section from yesterday is not quite right. The fact that Mal needs a crew is a point against him. Han pilots his own ship.
That being said, who would you rather go for a beer with? Mal, without question. Mal wins!
Haha, well to be fair I think Chewbacca does most of the work. All Han does is yell at the Wookie to finish repairing the ship or call him a hairball when something breaks and tells him to fix it! lol
I vote Mal. Love Han too, but I agree that Mal is the ultimate Space Cowboy. Fantastic article, thanks for the fun! 🙂
My pleasure. I had the most fun of all, I think.
Whoo Mal! I heartily enjoyed this face-off! But in my books there was never any doubt. I too connect with Mal on a different level than Han. It’s heartbreaking to see Mal lose his faith when God seemingly forsakes him. That’s something we all have to struggle with. But it’s his long road to redemption and his yearning for freedom, which is symbolized by Serenity, that we identify with. Whether it’s through the people who come aboard like the wise old Preacher, or the innocent and troubled River, Mal gradually becomes the believer he once was, though a little wiser. Mal struggles with what it means to stand up for justice, what it means to pick yourself up after failure, what it means to love the least of these, what it means to be a family, what it means to be a hero, and all of that without ever becoming larger than life. Joss Whedon always keeps Mal grounded, whether it’s Mal telling his crew to come rescue him if he’s not back by a certain time, or begging Zoey to shoot the enemy he is locked in combat with. At the end of the day, Han is cool, but paper thin. Mal bleeds, bruises and falls. But when he gets up we cheer that much louder.
Brilliantly said. Thank you.
I love both these smugglers, but if we were to go by the basic definition of the word “cowboy” Mal wins hands down! Mal has actually herded cattle (as in firefly episode “safe”), I doubt Han would even know what a cow was!
Good one. Thanks for stopping by.
I like the outcome. While Han Solo will always carry “legendary” status due to his place in the iconic Star Wars universe, Mal is clearly the quintessential space cowboy. Especially on the “cowboy” side. I mean, come on; he actually herded cows through space once! That should settle it right there.
The tie works for me too, when I think of the classic Han vs. Greedo scene, and compare that to something Mal once said to Simon:
“You don’t know me, son, so let me explain this to you once: If I ever kill you, you’ll be awake, you’ll be facing me, and you’ll be armed.” Greedo fit the bill and Han demonstrated his kin-ship with Mal’s philosophy.
I say we get both these guys together. The Alliance/Empire wouldn’t stand a chance.
Tom, I thought you’d like it. I honestly didn’t know the math would pan out until very close to the end. Read Steven S’s comment about Mal, it’s really articulate. I think the outcome was downright poetic by the time the dust settled.
mal held the Browncoats together at the battle of Serenity valley
Very true… thanks for stopping by.
Endurance goes to Han? Mal is a tank, thats what he does, takes a bullet, knife or sword and keeps moving.
Mmmm. You have a point. Mal takes a good beating.